December 30, 2011
And so, here we are again. The end of 2011 looms, the stern faces of Janus looking back on what has been and saying, “well that was crap”, and forward to what will be and saying, “It just gets worse”.
And indeed it is a comfort, as we contemplate the living @#!*% that has been this year, to think that next year will definitely be much worse. But before we struggle on into the vale of tears that is the future, let’s reflect on what we’ve all just been through.
Two thousand and eleven, or “twenty eleven” for the time-poor, will be remembered as a year of upheaval. In Australia, people power came to the fore when truck drivers and easily-disoriented pensioners in their dozens marched on Canberra, determined to stop the megalomaniacal Juliar “Julia” Gillard from taxing the air we breathe, destroying all our industries, and continuing to keep the country in the pocket of Big Female.
Although the “Convoy of No Confidence” – named after Christopher Pyne – failed to repeal the carbon tax, it did send a strong message to the Labor-Greens alliance that elderly people with nothing better to do were a force to be reckoned with, and had the added benefit of causing Alan Jones to explode, scattering Jones particles over a wide area of countryside.
But it just went to show that this was the year when the Government started to completely ignore the will of the people, as the Gillard “Government” went on its merry way, passing legislation left, right and centre despite the fact that the Opposition had made perfectly clear they would rather it didn’t. Breaking a century-old parliamentary convention of taking into account Opposition impact statements, however, was par for the course for Gillard’s out-of-control junta in 2011.
It was no wonder dissatisfaction was so widespread, finding great expression in the “Occupy” movement, which proved that ordinary people, if they work together and stick to their principles, can indeed camp for extended periods in public places. The Occupiers had a very clear message to send to the elites: We Don’t Like Some Things, And If They Are Not Better, We Will Camp Here Some More.
This led to major clashes around the world, as police forces, provoked beyond breaking point by the Occupiers’ inflammatory sitting, started hitting people as a reminder of the power of the state and how much fun it is to hit people.
Of course, one area the Government didn’t have things all its own way was the “Malaysia Solution”, under which Australia would send 800 asylum seekers to Malaysia, and Malaysia would send 4,000 back to Australia, plus three second-round draft picks. This brilliant plan failed, after the Government discovered its cunning stratagem of introducing legislation it knew wouldn’t pass, then withdrawing it before anyone voted, was somewhat outdated in these days of everyone in parliament not being on drugs. And so millions upon millions of so-called “refugees” continued to flood the western suburbs of Sydney, taking our jobs and going on the dole and deliberately drowning themselves just to guilt-trip us.
Luckily, our brave politicians leapt swiftly into action to declare 2011 the Year of Caring About Drowning People, and, motivated by a touching and extremely genuine concern for the welfare of asylum seekers, worked like Trojans to find a way to make Australia horrible enough that nobody would want to come here. Their efforts reached their zenith with the late-year radio survey showing Kyle Sandilands remained popular, yet a solution to the intractable problem of people thinking of coming to Australia would be nicer than having their whole family massacred remained elusive.
The failure to find a solution was strange, given our politicians’ repeated statements that they really, really wanted to. Tony Abbott even said he was willing to work on Christmas Day to do so, to which Chris Bowen said that he was too, to which Abbott retorted that he was willing to work Christmas, Boxing Day AND New Year’s, to which Bowen replied that he would work on his kids’ birthdays, to which Abbott said he would get his wife pregnant and work while she was giving birth, to which Bowen said he would work while bathing, to which Abbott said he would work while chained up inside a sack in a shark tank; yet, bizarrely, the Government and Opposition, at time of writing, have failed to reach agreement. Given the good faith and extremely real compassion running rampant through both parties, this was surprising.
But there’s no point dwelling on what didn’t get done in 2011: we need to dwell on what did, and the list is long: the carbon tax, the mining tax, some other stuff probably. This was a year, as the Prime Minister said, of “decision and delivery”, and there was no doubt that the Government really made thing-doing a priority.
But 2011 was not all about Australia, of course – it only mostly was. Elsewhere, the US made the news by sinking slowly into the ocean, while in the UK it was revealed that over 90 per cent of the country’s population had had their phones hacked. But the big international event of 2011 was the “Arab Spring”, where thousands upon thousands of freedom-lovers across the Middle East and North Africa rose up and overthrew their tyrannical dictators, presumably because they had tried to introduce a carbon tax. No wonder Time magazine named protestors their official Confusing Concept of the Year. But it was really a credit to the US, whose plucky invasions had shown the Arabs the way, introducing to them the concept of not liking dictators. Coincidentally, 2011 was also the year the US withdrew from Iraq, having completed their own “Arab Spring” (2003-2011), and satisfied with a job well done.
Indeed, this year was a bad year for tyrants and oppressors and baddies of all descriptions. We saw the death of Osama bin Laden at the hands of American action-men, the death of Moamar Gaddafi at the hands of YouTube pranksters, and the death of Kim Jong-il at the hands of communism’s greatest foe, God. It just goes to show you should never give up hope – even when you are being oppressed, downtrodden, and forced to slowly starve to death, you can take heart from the knowledge that eventually the bad guy will drop dead and be replaced by his insane son. Australians living under Juliar’s yoke can only hope for as happy an ending.
And it is in that spirit of hope that we commend the year 2011 to the pages of history, and look forward to 2012 with our hearts full of love, joy, and a strong feeling of nameless dread.
So it was just like every other year, really.